One Month Old

The past month has been a bewildering blur – yesterday was our second son's one month birthday!

First, who I've now decided to call Walleye here, has cut one of his last two molars, fought off at least one illness and has had to adjust to schedules with visiting grandparents and his new brother. NBD.

Second, who I'm calling Bird from here out, has recovered well from the viral meningitis. He hasn't gone longer than 4 hours without eating, though usually two or fewer. We finally held his bris this past Sunday.

My husband spent last week fighting off a virus. My mother-in-law has been a tremendous help –– and is now fighting off that virus.

Me? I'm exhausted. But I'm fueled by this incredible fullness I feel at having this family. I know this time will soon pass. Though it's probably more tolerable with the extra hour of sleep and household help I'm getting right now. Certainly I'll reach new levels of exhaustion when my MIL returns to the states.

Since time is flying and I've already learned that I'm terrible at logging the little facts and milestones pertaining to these early days, I'm going to force myself to share some of that information here with a monthly photo. (Do you like Paddington for scale?)

Eating: Breastfeeding is going better than I thought. If I don't have time to pump in a day, he takes about 2 ounces of formula. Other than that... he eats every 1.5 - 2.5 hours during the day (usually) and every 3 - 4 hours (or fewer) at night. Right on track.

Sleeping: There's not much time for napping when he takes 40 minutes to eat every hour and a half. I've been astounded that he doesn't care for being swaddled and sleeps perfectly well on his back in a sleep sack at night. Now we just need to get him to stay asleep longer.

Waking: He has been wide-eyed and alert since birth. Every now and then I hear a little (non-crying) squeak that tells me he'll be cooing before I know it. Baby sneezes are the cutest. I love the little gas-smile he sometimes makes with milk dribbling out of his mouth.

Growing: A week ago he was back to his birth weight – 7 pounds 3 ounces. Then we hit the 3 week growth spurt. We have a weight check next week just to be sure everything is on track. He's starting to stretch newborn pajamas!

Diapers: Good-NESS. I forgot how many diaper changes come with a new baby who eats 10 times a day. I'm looking forward to a time when they don't seem traumatic to him.

Soothing: He digs the "Calming Vibrations" in his bouncy seat, his Soothie pacifier and snuggles (especially at 5am). He particularly likes when his dad holds both of his tiny hands in one of his. Very sweet.

Fussing: Diaper changes, boogers that interfere with sleep and farts are the worst things in the world.

Big brother: Walleye is incredibly sweet. He likes to show Bird his toys, help me out when he can and check in on his brother when he's crying. He has played music for him, held his foot and offered the pacifier. It makes me a proud mama.

Parents: We're so very grateful for the help we've gotten from family and friends. It really does take a village! Now we're determined to get the ball rolling on Bird's passport and visa so we can take a family trip to a warm, sunny Spanish beach one day.

40 Weeks +3: Rage Monster

When I don't sleep well, everything falls apart. I'm cranky. I eat food that makes me feel crummy. I become forgetful. I yell at the dog. I snap at the people around me. Generally speaking, I suck as  human.

I would prefer that the sleep deprivation of the newborn days overlap with the sleep deprivation of life with a melodramatic toddler as much as possible. Right now, the exhaustion, frustration and discomfort are completely interfering with my ability to enjoy these last days of pregnancy. I have no patience to have fun with my two-year-old. I have no energy to tackle new projects. I don't care if I clean my shower AGAIN. I just don't want to be pregnant any more.

The sooner I can begin recovery from birth, the sooner I can get back to my old self. Bending at the waist! Running! Jumping! Drinking wine when I've had a day that makes me want to pull out my hair! Mostly I look forward to being able to play with my kids without being distracted by strange pains in my ribs, contractions (OMG, would they just f*ing do something already?) and urinary urges.

Yes, I realize that my little guy benefits from every day that he soaks up the nutrients from that freaky magical organ called a placenta. I don't want to evict him before he's ready. I just really, really wish he were ready RIGHT NOW. After all, his grandpa is on the way soon and I'd like for them to meet!

29 Weeks (5 Days): What I'm Not Worried About

I'm not worried about where the baby will sleep.

I'm not worried about finding the perfect name (yet).

I'm not worried about cheating First out of brother-free time he'd otherwise have. He's so over me anyway. And do you think Second is going to be psyched to finally have Mom & Pops to himself when First goes off to college? Right.

I'm not worried about nipple confusion.

I'm not worried that Second will be less than perfect exactly who he is.

I'm not worried about being able to love Second as much as First. Of course I love First more than anything in the world and my heart overflows when I think of how amazingly awesome he is. It's just that, if there's room in my abdomen for something the size of a watermelon, there's room in my heart for more love.

26 Weeks: This New Little Person

So much of the energy I've given to this pregnancy has been to worry about how our lives will change. How much more exhausted we'll be. How it will affect First. How cool it's going to be to have another member in our family. But I haven't really spent any time thinking about THIS baby. What he's going to be like. How wonderful it's going to be to meet him. What my hopes and dreams are for him.

I haven't even taken the time to start cultivating love for this little person. There isn't that giddy anticipation that was so delicious before First was born. Not yet, at least.

Pregnancy is a roller coaster ride of emotions. When I have time to myself to reflect on them, I discover cues for being better and more mindful. It's just harder and harder to find that quiet time when I seem to require so much rest between parenting and chores and errands.

I'm lucky to have a friend who I can talk to about everything that sucks and is magical about parenting and pregnancy. It's a damn shame she's thousands of miles away, and that we've never actually been mothers together in the same town. I asked her to write up a post about expecting her second child (about 6 weeks before I'm expecting mine), and she has the thought of "time" on her mind, too. Please come back tomorrow to see what Jennifer has to say about life as we currently know it!

18 Weeks: Packing the Nanny

After nearly three weeks on the road with my toddler, I'm wiped. Chasing him down after climbing out of the Pack & Play instead of napping. Dealing with his screaming nastiness instead of eating or going someplace to put him to sleep. Sharing a hotel room. Sugar crashes. Boredom. It feels really good to be home.

But I learned something new. Someone had a genius idea of hiring a babysitter to watch our guy at my sister-in-law's wedding this weekend. The festivities were taking place at her new in-law's home, so we were a hop, skip and a jump away in a lovely tent in the yard. We thought we would hand him off to her for just a little while during dinner, but... shortly after walking down the aisle, he started screaming "outside! outside!" I quietly walked him out to the nanny, and that was that.

The extended family got to see him in person (for a minute). We had a great time. He had a great time. I took a half hour to put him to sleep in the Pack & Play in a quiet room, but then I got to go back to the reception and stay through the WHOLE thing. I really wanted to figure out how to tote this sweet college student with us to the UK. My guess is she would come in extra handy when there's another one on the scene.