About "Breast"feeding

If you've never tried breastfeeding, you probably wonder how hard it could be. Maybe you think nothing of it. After all, women have been feeding their babies at their breasts for millennia. Animals do it.

Well. Guess what? It's HARD.

Your baby has to learn how to do it. You have to learn how to do it. And the only practice you get is... well, none. If you've had any kind of intervention during delivery, you probably have a nurse grabbing your boob and your baby's head and "showing" you how they go together. If you have babies like mine, they just chomp on your nipple. Creases, blisters, scabs... plus the emotional bruising of trying, trying, trying to get the baby to latch properly (and stay latched) so you don't leave a feeding injured.

And you get to do this over and over and over day in and day out! Every two hours! Day and night! At least at first.

Maybe it clicks for you, and when you go in for your first weight check your baby hasn't lost more than 10% of his birth weight. (All babies lose weight in the first few days and are expected to return to birth weight by two weeks.) But you aren't alone if he has, and the pediatrician gives you orders to feed on demand for 20 minutes per breast, offering both breasts per feeding, at least every 2 hours during the day (no more than 3 at night). Then, pump for 20 minutes and give the baby expressed breast milk, preferably with a tiny tube guided by your finger, or better yet!, taped to your breast.

So, this:
20 minutes one boob + 20 minutes other boob + 20 minutes feeding + 20 minutes pumping = 1 hour 20 minutes

That leaves 40 minutes between feedings – unless baby demands to eat before the two hour mark – for burping, changing diapers, cleaning and assembling supplies and, oh yeah!, sleeping. Mom has to pee and eat somewhere in there, too. In theory.

This isn't for forever.  The nagging uncertainty of whether or not you're producing enough might be.

I didn't understand the importance of pumping for my supply with my first son. I was told to supplement with formula, so I did. I was never able to make up the difference. Some of it was likely stress, the rest was likely poor guidance, even from the lactation consultant. After 6 weeks I decided to give up on increasing my supply and nursed until it was clear he was getting at 90% of his nourishment from formula. That was around three months.

This time around started out similarly, but I tried following the above prescription. That is, until the baby would fuss to eat as soon as I started pumping. Then I decided to nurse him to let HIM tell my body to produce more milk. I chugged water, popped fenugreek, whipped up lots of oats (like these bars) and drank Mother's Milk tea for good measure.

Then he was hospitalized for viral meningitis. I pumped devotedly every 2 hours around the clock (except for the day that I broke my pump, bought a new one, and spent the night at the house to get a little sleep). My busted nipples got a break, and amazingly he latched better than before when he was cleared to try breastfeeding. He was back to his birth weight a week later, with just a couple of ounces of supplementation by bottle each day.

Then my mother-in-law returned to the States. Drinking 3 liters of water in a day suddenly seemed impossible. Hiding away to pump in peace became impossible. Nursing comfortably and quietly? Not always with a toddler around. And so the supply has started to dwindle.

At his most recent check, he had gained about a half an ounce a day. This is good, they said. But we want him to gain twice as quickly, they said. Time to up the supplement.

So here I am, pumping away, thinking of how nice it would be able to feed my child without making more work for myself. You know, like how you imagine breastfeeding should go. But I can't stop trying. It's not in my nature to stop because it's hard.

I can't help but wonder if I would have tried harder, or done something differently, if I couldn't have successfully breastfed my oldest. The thing is, though? He's a happy, healthy, incredibly intelligent toddler now. Does it matter any more? Nope.